Every culture has their version of a wedding ceremony, which, while deeply rooted in tradition, is usually mixed with modern trends, and may differ between sectors of society. This is exactly the case in Thailand.
In this article I aim to shed a little light on how a Thai wedding actually goes down. I've been through one myself, and have attended a handful too, so I have a pretty good grasp on the topic.
So, if you’re planning on marrying a Thai, or you’re just looking to broaden your worldly perspective, here’s how it’s done.
1. The Thai Marriage Proposal
Not so long ago it was common for Thais to arrange their children’s marriages. Even if a marriage wasn't arranged, it was, and still is, very important that the parents of the bride and groom be consulted before any arrangements are made.
These days arranged marriages aren't so common, but plenty of “introducing” still goes on, particularly in the upper echelons of society.
Historically, if the groom’s parents agreed with their son’s choice of wife, the son's parents would then ask the would-be bride’s parents if they agree to the marriage.
If the bride's parents agreed, the bride’s parents would then negotiate the ‘Sin Sod'. Westerners would call this a dowry.
The asking of the bride's parents is still commonplace today, and it is considered ill-mannered to not follow this tradition. The Sin Sod must be negotiated with the parents, not with the bride to be.
2. Choosing the Wedding Date
Thais believe that there are favourable dates and times for planning significant and important events.
An important monk with a knowledge of astrology is consulted to help decide what date would be best for the union to be blessed and for the marriage to be given the strongest footing from the outset.
3. Wedding Invitations
Since there are often multiple ceremonies involved with the Thai / Buddhist wedding, there may be a separate invite for each event. For example, there is usually a separate engagement ceremony, but it's commonplace for this to happen on the same day as the wedding.
More often than not, one invitation will suffice, unless you are planning to invite different to different aspects of the wedding.
Traditionally, the invitation is hand delivered by a member of the adjoining families.
4. Making Merit and Honouring the Bride’s Ancestors
Most often, before any important event or holiday, a Buddhist will “make merit” to summon good things into one’s life.
There are numerous ways to “make merit” such as donating money to a temple. In the case of a wedding, the family will invite monks to bless the bride and groom as well as their home and pay respects to their ancestors.
The monks will chant and offer life advice, and in return the family will feed them before sending them on their way.
This ceremony may be treated as a separate event entirely, so it could happen days before the actual wedding takes place. However, it is common for this ceremony to take place on the day of the wedding, particularly if the marriage is happening at home.
If the merit ceremony happens on a different day than the wedding, the couple are still likely to wake early in the morning to meet a monk for a quick blessing.
5. The Thai Wedding Dress
Though it has become common for modern couples to wear the typical western style of white dress (woman) and suit (man), the Thai classic attire is still widely used.
The traditional bridal dress does vary, with about six different styles to choose from. The men will usually wear the Thai traditional pants, but may switch out the traditional Thai top in favour of a more Western flavour.
As you can see in my wedding pictures, We are wearing Western influenced dress. My wife wanted a “proper” wedding dress and not the old school Thai style. I was more than happy to wear a suit over the traditional Thai clobber.
We also held our wedding in a hotel, as opposed to the family home.
6. Bridesmaids and Groomsmen
As with wedding parties all over the world, the bride and groom will choose a number of Bridesmaids and Groomsmen to aid them in organizing the wedding and helping on the day. However, in Thailand it is rare to see a best man or matron of honour.
Duties aren't specific and will very depending on the needs of the couple.
7. The Thai Engagement Ceremony (Khan Maak Procession)
Having reached an agreement for the Sin Sod (dowry) (actually this is done long before the wedding day but is acted out on the day) , the groom can now go to claim his bride – sounds primal!
In past times, the groom would travel on foot from his home to his bride’s home, accompanied by a procession of his family, friends, and other well-wishers.
The groom’s paraders would carry offerings for the bride’s family. On their way, they would sing songs and play instruments such as traditional Thai long drums, and basically have a traveling party. The offerings they carry all have specific meanings.
For Thais, it is quite common nowadays for the engagement to take place on the same day as the wedding.
In many Thai-foreigner relationships the engagement often follows the western tradition of being a romantic one-on-one occasion that is then announced to others afterwards. My wife and I had an informal engagement, not a traditional one.
The procession was held in the hotel and we walked to the wedding hall. The lobby was fairly big so it felt quite authentic.
Gold (and or coins), flowers and the leaves and nuts of a young Betel plant are arranged on the Kan Maak tray. The meanings of the items range from health and prosperity to fertility and long life.
Additionally, the traveling guests will also carry various foods such as fruits and desserts.
In modern times, the procession is likely to just start down the street and end at the wedding venue, which will be a house or, more frequently these days, a hotel.
8. The Groom's Gated Approach
When the groom finally makes it to his destination, he still has another challenge to face. His way will be blocked by a series of gates held up by the bridesmaids and various family members. The gates are made from a necklace or a belt made of gold (probably not real, depending on the wealth of the couple).
Some of these gates can be passed simply by a payout of money, whereas others will ask the groom to answer questions. The groom may even be required to perform a task such as shouting out a confession of love, or singing a song.
I just opted for money in envelopes.
Children from the immediate family manned the gates. I gave each person an envelope with a small monetary gift inside so that I could pass through.
9. Retrieving the Bride
After satisfying all his tasks, the groom may now enter to find his bride. Commonly, the bride will be waiting in a room separated from the guests. When the groom is waiting inside, the bride’s parents will bring out their daughter from behind closed doors and present her to the husband to be.
My wife to be waited in a separate room for me to collect her and bring her to the wedding stage. This was the most emotional part of the wedding for me. My wife looked stunning.
10. Presenting The Sin Sod (Dowry)
Having retrieved his bride. It is now time to present the bride’s parents with the Sin sod. A tray/decorated bowl, upon which the gifts and money rest, is offered to the parents. After the gifts are accepted, the items are wrapped in silk and handed to the mother of the bride.
As tradition dictates, and to display how generous the groom is, the bride’s mother will make a show of carrying the offering as if it’s extremely heavy.
Our Sin Sod presented in a decorative bowl. There was also two items of gold jewellery.
11. Sai Monkhon (Joining by Thread)
We now arrive at the most heartfelt aspect of the wedding ceremony, the Sai Monkhon.
The bride and groom must sit or kneel next to each other. Their arms will rest on a small padded table and their hands must be held together in prayer position.
An elder member of the family – who is considered to have a successful marriage – will place the traditional headpiece called Mong Kol on the head of both the bride and groom.
This string headpiece, previously blessed by monks, must be made out of one piece of cotton. This will join the couple in ceremony, and symbolically for the rest of their lives.
The Sai Monkhon: We are joined by a thread by my father.
12. Rod Nam Sang (Shell Ceremony)
With the bride and groom seated next to each other (bride on the left,) and joined by the Sai Monkhon thread, the guests will begin to line up to have a turn blessing the couple.
The couple hold their hands together, as their most honoured guests use a special shell, usually taken from the sea, to pour water over the uniting pair.
As a person pours on the water, it is customary to wish the couple well and offer advice on having a good life together.
My wife having water poured on here hands during the Rod Nam Sang.
13. The Thai Wedding Reception
After all of the guests have had a chance to pour the water and wish the couple well, the couple will invite them to eat and mingle.
This part of the ceremony can range from a simple gathering at a table to a full on party with dancing and games.
Our reception, where everyone enjoyed food and drink.
It is in this part of the ceremony that you may find a more western influence, but the Thai still have their own ways of doing things.
Usually, one or two friends of the bride and groom will be chosen as the master of ceremonies for the evening. It is the MC’s job to introduce the newlyweds and host any games.
Family members and friends are invited up to speak about the bride and/or groom. The couple may even have to take part in a game show style quiz.
As is done in western weddings, you may also see a cutting of the cake and a throwing of the bouquet.
Of course there had to be some karaoke!
14. Preparing the Bridal Bed
Perhaps the final thing to happen on the wedding day will happen in the bedroom, but it’s not quite what you may think.
The bride and groom will be escorted to the bedroom, where an older married couple will present them with an array of items that demonstrate the path to a successful marriage.
The bed will likely be covered in flower petals, as well as a brass tray of traditional symbols.
The most common items on the tray include a bag of beans or seeds to show prosperity, a bowl of water to symbolise harmony, a mortar to represent solid love, an unripe squash to bring a happy marriage, the figure of a sleeping cat to show comfort at home, a symbol of a rooster to promote waking up early, and finally a cane as a symbol of long life.
Tradition says the couple should sleep with these items in the bed for three days, though that rarely happens anymore.
On most occasions, it will be the parents that prepare the bed and explain the symbols, and once they’ve completed the lessons, they will leave the newly married couple alone in the bed to show the desire for children.
This part of the ceremony is pretty rare these days and wasn't part of our Thai wedding. Instead, we had some drinks around the pool with friends.
Thai Weddings In the Modern World
I hope you now have a better understanding of the traditional Thai wedding ceremony.
Please note that this is just an overview of a the most common and recognisable practices. You may come across other traditions not mentioned here, and traditions can be specific to a region.
For example, the northern and southern parts of the country may differ in their approach. You can also expect differences among the ethnic Thai-Chinese community, not to mention all the modern “fairytale wedding” elements thrown in the mix too.
While most foreigners marrying in Thailand will experience many of the same traditions listed in this post, tailored weddings that represent both the bride and groom’s cultures are becoming increasingly common.
As a couple, you should feel free to assert your own creative vision for your special day. And while your adopted Thai family may expect certain elements to remain the same, most families will be very open to including your culture too.
I wish you all the best with your Thai wedding!
—–
If you are from the UK and plan on taking your wife back home for a visit, you'll need to obtain a visit visa. You'd think it would be easier now that you're married, but in reality the process is no different, married or not.
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Last Updated on
RG says
Oct 14, 2021 at 2:20 am
TheThailandLife says
Oct 14, 2021 at 6:37 pm
Laurie says
Apr 06, 2021 at 5:57 pm
TheThailandLife says
Apr 06, 2021 at 6:03 pm
Janice M. Sapp says
May 30, 2020 at 6:01 am
Jayne Brace says
May 16, 2020 at 9:28 am
TheThailandLife says
May 17, 2020 at 2:00 am
Cheryl says
Anything else I need to know for this first meeting. (The parents are well educated, teachers, and semi-modern)
Dec 12, 2019 at 9:37 am
TheThailandLife says
Dec 12, 2019 at 7:00 pm
Brianmordread says
Jul 26, 2019 at 12:06 pm
TheThailandLife says
Jul 30, 2019 at 2:45 am
FoodyFoodie says
Jul 08, 2019 at 3:18 pm
Tanya says
Jan 29, 2020 at 10:29 pm
Edward Dennehy says
Is this accurate?
Jan 18, 2019 at 10:53 am
TheThailandLife says
Jan 18, 2019 at 6:30 pm
Yanni says
Oct 15, 2021 at 12:01 pm
Tanya says
We call this ceremony as Su Kwan
Jan 29, 2020 at 10:32 pm
Zeus says
Dec 22, 2018 at 12:21 am
TheThailandLife says
Dec 22, 2018 at 12:52 am
Richard Creaser says
Our treasured 'Mong Kol' is still in my wardrobe.
We had a Mor Soot but also 9 Buddhist Monks who did the chanting and held the ends of the string that went all the way around the house.
I hope that you have a deliriously happy life together.
Dec 08, 2018 at 4:12 pm
Veronica says
Dec 01, 2018 at 1:42 am
Edgar says
Jan 21, 2019 at 11:42 pm
Nae says
Nov 16, 2018 at 11:05 pm
TheThailandLife says
Nov 18, 2018 at 3:15 am
Yanni says
Sep 28, 2018 at 5:47 pm
TheThailandLife says
Sep 28, 2018 at 5:50 pm
Jin Cao says
Aug 22, 2018 at 10:34 pm
Cindy Levinson says
Jul 15, 2018 at 2:46 am
TheThailandLife says
Jul 16, 2018 at 5:53 pm
Carmel Webster says
Jun 27, 2018 at 12:34 pm
TheThailandLife says
Jun 28, 2018 at 5:01 pm
Candi🐯 says
May 22, 2018 at 10:06 am
Farang Ki Kwai says
Alongside the Thais, Thailand is home to Khmer, Shan, Jarai, Karen, Kachin, Lisu, Lahu, Mon, Malay, Wu, Yuon and many more. On top of that, there are many Christians, Muslims and Animists.
Believe it or not, there are even some modern secular people in Thailand, but you might not know it since they're forbidden by law to express the ideas that have been common in developed countries for centuries. If you're lucky to meet one of them, and they have been able to break free from reactionary superstitions and the tight grip of an overbearing and exploitative family, you won't even have to go through any of this primitive nonsense if you want to get married!
May 01, 2018 at 5:18 pm
TheThailandLife says
May 02, 2018 at 5:15 pm
Ashley says
We will be having a Thai wedding. Not knowing what to do or what happens was very stressing. Many videos and other texts sites were all over the place causing greater confusion.
Once again I thank you
Reference the Engagement: I have learned: in Western culture we give a nice Diamond ring however in Thai culture I have learned that a 2 baht 23/24 carot gold (30.5 grams) necklace is given as the engagement gift.
once again: thank you for providing clear stage guide lines.
Mar 08, 2018 at 11:28 am
TheThailandLife says
Mar 09, 2018 at 4:26 pm
Adam Taylor says
With regard to the "informal engagement", does this refer to having it on the same day of the wedding ceremony? Or an adaption of the same day engagement ceremony?
We are planning our wedding based on a blend of Thai/Western. So I did considering removing the engagement ceremony as we're already engaged.
However, considering my future wife is Thai, I'm assuming this would not be a good idea culturally. Plus it would affect the flow of the wedding process.
Noting we are both without parents and she is not traditional / conservative.
Your thoughts?
Nov 06, 2017 at 11:14 pm
TheThailandLife says
Nov 07, 2017 at 6:27 pm
Thai Tastic says
Sep 07, 2017 at 10:42 pm
Geoff says
Is a dowry still expected and if so how much, in what form (gold/cash) and who would receive it?
Jul 20, 2017 at 3:13 am
TheThailandLife says
Jul 20, 2017 at 3:58 am
David says
May 20, 2017 at 8:16 am
Denise Ward says
Apr 11, 2017 at 3:07 am
TheThailandLife says
Apr 11, 2017 at 3:47 pm
Zoli says
Jan 03, 2018 at 6:31 am
TheThailandLife says
Jan 03, 2018 at 4:27 pm
wordi says
As I have said before, at some point you have to ask yourself if the family treat you like this on day one, is this really the kind of family you want to be part of?
In my case, I will agree to no more than 200,000. 100K to be returned after the ceremony and I will pay that a couple of years later, when I am certain about everything. Any family not accepting this, is not showing consideration foreign man's side of the cultural exchange. It is a compromise, but he is the only one expected to take financial risk.
Apr 29, 2017 at 11:35 pm
Michael Y. says
just reading about the dowry comments, yes for westerners the paying to marry does seem strange , but I think you need to see there side , there custom.
I am getting married in late May this year, the monks picked the date. as I read month and is very important to thais.
My wife to be is very educated been to university, has a good government job , unmarried and of cause a lovely beautiful person. Back to dowry I have agreed on a lot more than what I have read, I am an average joe.. so not rich.
But as I said .a different custom , I have been told a little more because of the cost of her education and her position now. so my dowry is 1 million baht.
YES.. a lot.. but if you believe she is the one and genuine....than WHY NOT
So yes the fee is a sticking point.. is not just a money grab
OH my brother has a thai wife , happily married about 6 years now , and roughly the same thing. Okay just my thoughts.
Feb 25, 2017 at 8:27 am
Adam West says
It always seems a bit one sided when dealing with Thais in just about everything from a European point of view. It's always their customs which have precedence etc..... I think it is just the foolish European outlook in that we are more adventurous and not concerned with saving face etc.... Just something to think about.
Feb 25, 2017 at 7:37 pm
Michael Y says
I hear some thais ( males ) have payed that or more for the dowry , a rare thing I guess considering the real dollar value.... We are to be married in Kalasin at her parents home, small traditional style
Dowry is a big talking point......Thanks for the input .. Mike (aussie)
Feb 27, 2017 at 9:17 am
david mills says
yes there are some manupulitive women who take advantage, also some that do not wish to take dowry. It also depends on the family status.
Is it really much different to buying engagement rings ad wedding rings and paying for wedding in the west?
In my example I have been with my Thai Partner in UK for 5 years. She has worked hard in Uk for 14 years and paid for house for her mom.
She bought land for her also.
Her stepdad died earlier this year and we marry next year.
Had we planned to stay in UK we would not have married.
She did not want a big ceremony as she did not want to "spend" lots of my money.
It was me that suggested the Thai Budhist ceremony.
I am paying dowry of 100 000 baht as her mom is not wealthy and the money will be used to buy equipment to work the farm and some already used for the funeral ceremony.
In the west and Thailand you can get good or bad, no stereotyping.
Oct 19, 2017 at 4:40 am
TheThailandLife says
Oct 20, 2017 at 9:36 pm
Martin1 says
Was it what the parents (mother) of the bride said first, and you accepted?
Keep in mind that negating is a big part of Thai culture.
Ma wife has a Master degree and also works for the government. Her mother wanted 1,5 Million Baht from me!
After negotiating I paid 500K plus gold to them with 100K payback to my wife, and the parents took completely care of the wedding.
For me that sounded fair.
Keep in mind in matters of sin sod that a poor farmer's daughter can expect no more than 80 - 100 K (plus gold), and sin sod in the 6 figures is usual only when marrying upper class woman like show stars or daughters of some high government official, or rich factory owner.
May 02, 2017 at 1:35 am
Adam West says
Feb 06, 2017 at 7:27 pm
Ray says
Jan 11, 2017 at 6:20 am
TheThailandLife says
Jan 11, 2017 at 5:10 pm
Martin1 says
Thai people would not pay sin sod for a divorced Thai woman - if they married her at all.
You can do of cause. Maybe you ask their parents, and hear what they say as first offer.
Personally I would not pay more than 100K THB for a divorced (or widowed) Thai lady.
May 02, 2017 at 1:40 am
Mike says
From what I have read all that you have mention are negatives for the Sin Sod. The age, divorce and kids. I'd probably shoot for 100-150K. However if you love her and she is right for you you don't want to seem cheap or ungrateful. Remember, as mentioned this is just for family face. The money is either returned or not used for its intended purpose anyway.
May 27, 2017 at 1:37 pm
Harry says
Dec 17, 2016 at 12:54 am
TheThailandLife says
Dec 17, 2016 at 3:46 am
Adam West says
Feb 06, 2017 at 7:34 pm
Julie Rees says
Oct 28, 2016 at 2:47 am
TheThailandLife says
Oct 28, 2016 at 10:07 pm
Setonix says
Mar 12, 2017 at 2:02 pm
Matthew Jenkins says
My girlfriend and I recently set the date for our wedding to be December 8th 2016. I was excited and so was she. Unfortunately my job situation will be changing in the next month and it would not allow me to take the requisite vacation time in December for the wedding.
Do you happen to know if a date change in a Thai wedding is a big deal and if it will affect anything?
Oct 18, 2016 at 4:07 pm
TheThailandLife says
Oct 18, 2016 at 7:50 pm
Matthew Jenkins says
I am not sure if the mother-in-law went to the monks, I know my girlfriend/fiancé called her mother to get a good date.
From what was told to me it seemed like she was just more upset because she'd already planned everything.
Oct 18, 2016 at 8:02 pm
Gregory says
Sep 22, 2016 at 5:37 am
Matthew Jenkins says
Sep 22, 2016 at 12:51 pm
Matthew Jenkins says
I'm still confused slightly on the groom's procession. From what I understand it is money of varying amounts in envelopes, but that's where I'm hazy. I don't know how much to include in the envelopes.
Also, what sort of Thai should I brush up on to understand things?
Sep 20, 2016 at 7:19 pm
TheThailandLife says
Sep 21, 2016 at 12:58 pm
Matthew Jenkins says
Thanks again though, your article has been extremely informative for me. Especially since I knew very very little about Thai weddings in general. We'll be doing it in Loei and her family is form up north so I expected it to be more traditional.
Sep 22, 2016 at 12:57 pm
Gregory says
Aug 30, 2016 at 10:52 pm
TheThailandLife says
I don't know the family personally so it is impossible for me to judge. But in my experience wealthy families don't take money from their kids in the same way working class families do. One thing is for sure though: they will want to know that the guy their daughter is marrying is capable of taking care of their daughter financially for life, and part of proving this is being able to pay sin sod, provide her with a nice house, car, etc.
Aug 31, 2016 at 12:01 am
Gregory says
Her story about the sin sot being in the millions is because her parents are Chinese and settle in Thailand so she cannot go to public school. She also says her parents send her to another school that has classes on the weekend to help her get into the better universities. On sin sod. She says that in the middle class the sin sod is paid on the wedding day the after that half is given to the groom and half is given to bride. The groom will use his half to start a business while the bride will use her half to send payments to per parents while business is getting started. She says the parents spend nearly all their money on their kids education that they have little for retirement so they rely on their children to send them money.
My girlfriend says that the man is to pledge to take care of the expenses while she takes care of the parents. I am not sure if this is true or not so I ask you for advice. She also says for middle class the sin sot is around 4 - 8 million Baht.
Aug 30, 2016 at 5:43 am
TheThailandLife says
Aug 30, 2016 at 3:59 pm
Martin1 says
There is a tradition of sin sod in both Thailand and China. But that is meant as some sort of retirement money for the parents, and there it goes to!
I think the amount is too high.
Maybe you want to go to the parents first and ask THEM!
May 02, 2017 at 1:52 am
Gregory Harris says
Aug 11, 2016 at 6:17 am
TheThailandLife says
Aug 11, 2016 at 3:06 pm
Darius says
Aug 05, 2016 at 6:51 am
TheThailandLife says
Aug 07, 2016 at 2:51 am
Gloria Cornick says
Jul 28, 2016 at 12:38 pm
TheThailandLife says
Jul 28, 2016 at 5:44 pm
Geoffrey says
May 23, 2016 at 6:40 am
Geoffrey says
1) There was no mention of any vows being recited - or anyone saying 'I do' (or Thai equivalent).
2) There was no mention of a ring.
3) There was no mention of an official pronouncing the couple married.
Do any of these things come into play in this ceremony, or would that be part of a separate ceremony? I notice the picture of your wife's hand in step 12 showing two rings; when were these placed?
Is the amount of the Sin Sod kept private or is it announced?
May 21, 2016 at 11:45 pm
TheThailandLife says
May 22, 2016 at 10:47 am